It would be so much easier. If I was a prodigy, I wouldn't have to do things like this. There are brilliant people, and yes, there are very few that reach the level of genius or billionaire. I am not one. The one thing that keeps me in journalism is my raw honesty. And hard work, but lately I haven't been working that hard. It's hard to find the focus again. What was that one thing that made me spark and glow? Who was I four years ago? And who am I now?
I don't know any more. Days run together and nights blur. I'm this tired thing, and where anger and injustice used to spur me on, I am now exhausted, and too much so to find my direction.
That raw honesty made me. That fire was me. I'm saddened now. I hate this system. College and school. Jobs. That rat race. I despise it. It's meaningless. What is it all for again? What is it that you're all telling me? Journalism isn't dead, but I'm not quite sure I want to jump on the train for a thing that is so unpredictable. Maybe I need to.
I agree, I can't tell you the number of times I wished I was a genius also. I'm probably obsessed with the damn thing. They say geniuses are rarely understood and they live a severed life from the mainstream but is that not true for all of us to an extent? You're not likely to be understood by someone you aren't acquanited with and we all have our own likes and dislikes. If you could muster all the problems it brings (psychosis) you could spend your days changing the world, being a major catalyst in a subject you enjoy or at the very least being a respectable smart ass.
ReplyDeleteI work in a call centre so its one huge rat race hub, where we work long hours just so we can continue existing and where we have to deal with the general public's rat races, with us contributing our little nuggets and two cents in the attempt to keep them existing (well supposedly.) There isn't a point to any of it, the only "purpose" to life is something you as a person must define for yourself. I find it has to be something interesting or the very least something you can honestly declare as worth spending your time on.
I agree. I just now finally got a job...mind you, a year later. I'm picking up on the blog thing again. I say, screw the rat race. Damn it, I'm going to be who I'm going to be. A crazy woman who loves reading and books, hates human trafficking and poverty, detests bureaucracy, and spends time on the things and people she loves. Screw being defined. I can't be. lol
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